It’s Ok To Say No


I’ve observed over the years of working with clients and raising 3 children, that we all have an energy bank account that we draw on daily. We each have an average energy balance with a  set point that is unique to the individual. Some people seem to have an endless capacity to go-go-go and others need more frequent recharge time. The holiday season produces a big extra demand on our energy account, and we can easily become depleted, grumpy, and/or sick if we don’t honor this delicate balance of energy input and energy output.

All traditional health systems acknowledge the vital life force energy that animates us, breathes us and keeps us going as essential to our health. Bioenergy, Pneuma, Apu, Chi, prana, qi, are some of the words for this infinite, creative, intelligent source of life. Most of those words are related to the breath. The word ‘breathe’ comes from the Latin word “spiritus.”

This life force energy gives us the ability to move throughout our day. Energy moves and informs the body’s processes.  Albert Einstein, through the equation, E = mc2, proved that energy and matter are dual expressions of the same universal substance.


Energy Boosters and Busters

Energy boosters enhance our energetic capacity, so we feel less tired, stay healthy, have a positive frame of mind/emotions, and are able to recover from energy-demanding events with ease. In other words, energy boosters build resilience. 

Examples of energy boosters:

  • Sleeping 7-8 hrs/night
  • Getting regular exercise
  • Eating whole foods that emphasize the rainbow of colors in fruits/veggies and clean sources of protein
  • Meditation
  • Using the breath to calm the nervous system
  • Taking breaks from work
  • Spending time in nature
  • Acts of service
  • Laughing with friends
  • Gratitude and feelings journal
  • Mind-body-spirit practice such as yoga, Tai Chi or Qigong
  • Spiritual practice


Energy busters drain our energy or contract us against the flow of life force energy. Thankfully our bodies are amazing and can keep us healthy despite constant demands. However, that kind of constant deficit energy spending is likely to end up in some form of dis-ease. We can’t keep taking withdrawals out of our energy bank account without refilling!

Examples of common energy busters:

  • Lack of sleep
  • Too much alcohol and caffeine
  • Over-work, especially weekends and evenings
  • Too much intake of news and other disturbing media content
  • Suppressing emotions
  • Putting yourself last/ Inability to say no
  • Self-judgment
  • Too much exercise
  • Not enough exercise
  • Junk food
  • Disconnection from your Source
  • Relationships that aren’t balanced in giving and receiving


Self-Care Tips to Get Through the Holidays

  1. Slow Down: Take a few moments from your day to just stop and check in with yourself. How are you doing? How’s your energy? What’s your stress level? What’s next on your agenda and is it necessary?
  2. Honor Yourself: Honor what you observe about yourself with a choice of action. What does your body need? What does your heart need?
  3. Say No: Assess the To-Do List and ask; What is essential? What can you delegate? What can you let go of?  Repeat daily! 
  4. Look at the list of energy boosters and see if you can add something and then look at the busters and see if there is something you can let go of. Is there one small change you can make?  Each choice has a ripple effect, so you may be surprised that getting to bed even 15 minutes earlier makes a big difference for example.
  5. Don’t take on other people’s stress and emotions. Just because we can feel it doesn’t mean we have to take it on.  Set boundaries with the people that demand your time and energy. And then… let it go how ever you enjoy doing that – a bath, a walk or run, a good cry or scream:) 
  6. Ask for help. Everything is easier with support. Don’t assume you have to do it all. Your loved ones won’t know you need support unless you ask! 


Don’t let the season be the reason you end up exhausted or sick. Tend and befriend yourself and everything else will fall into place as it should be.

Check out my free relaxations and meditations on Insight Timer or YouTube channel.  Much of my coaching work is centered on working with barriers to self-care, stress triggers and other obstacles to living the life you desire. Book a discovery call if you want to learn more! 

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